Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
