when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
