I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
