You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
