We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
