hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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