I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
