Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
