Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
