All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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