my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
