I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
