you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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