great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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