Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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