i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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