At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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