He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
