you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
