I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
