So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
