is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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