he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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