On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I am puke
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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