What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
