Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
