i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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