Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
