...so i touched it.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
