I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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