is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
