im drinking this country out of the recession.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
