i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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