i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
