Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
