my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
