She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
