I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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