dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
