new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
