you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
