Got a toothbrush?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
