i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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