I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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