Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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