I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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