Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
