I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
