I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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