Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
